Bust through them by simply changing the stories you’ve been telling yourself!
ROADBLOCK #1: LOOKING OUTWARD. Thinking someone else can make you happy is old news, so why are we determined to keep believing it? Never ever believe that you need a relationship to fulfill or complete you. Ask yourself what happened in your past that you haven’t been able to let go. What ‘tall tale’ have you been telling yourself that is keeping you stuck and unable to love and forgive yourself? You have a choice and the power to change your story from a tale of waiting and wanting to one of self-love and fulfillment.
ROADBLOCK #2: JUDGING. We are human, we constantly judge everyone; including ourselves. Every time you have any thought that makes you feel like you’re better or worse than anyone, snap out of it. Change your perception of the behaviour and instead of judging it; accept it, forgive it and let it go. There is someone from your past you haven’t forgiven and it could very likely be yourself. Once you can see that you are projecting those past judgments onto yourself and/or your current relationship, it’s easy to recognize that it is not doing you or your partner any good. You have the power to change your story from one of judgment to acceptance, starting with yourself.
ROADBLOCK #3: MALE BASHING. Don’t believe the stories you were told or you told yourself that gave you a general negative view on men and/or relationships (ie Where have all the good guys gone? Men are going to think I’m too old! All men cheat). This limits our potential for having a loving relationship if we’re always assuming relationships and men are only going to bring us pain and conflict. You can choose to change your story from one of ‘guilty ‘til proven innocent’ to one of trust and innocence. Don’t assume all men are bad based on past negative experiences…you’ll only keep attracting bad relationships!
ROADBLOCK #4: RESISTING LOVE. No matter how much you have been hurt in the past, believe you deserve to be loved today. Receive love whole-heartedly. Sometimes we’re so stuck in the pattern of being wounded from past relationships, that we are closed to believing that anyone could truly love us. The past is over and done with. You are not the same person and not in the same relationship. So, change your mind and break the pattern by leaving the wounds in the past. And don’t forget that our partner has past wounds that come up and limit their capacity for giving and receiving love as well. Change your war story to one of peace and acceptance.
ROADBLOCK #5: BEING A VICTIM. Many of us believe that our lives have turned out they way they have because of circumstances outside our control. Stop the drama! You are where you are and have had the relationships you’ve had because of you. Stop blaming everyone else for your pain and your problems. Take full responsibility for your life and your choices. Change your story’s main character to be a hero instead of the victim. You alone have the power to rewrite your story!
ROADBLOCK #6: HAVING EXPECTATIONS. Stop having unrealistic expectations and don’t get too hopeful on desired out-comes. You’ll always be let down; every single time. Accept what is and what could be and understand that you really have no control over how someone treats you or even if someone breaks your heart. You can control leaving them if they’re not right for you. You are stuck in a pattern from your past that is telling you; if he doesn’t do that, or doesn’t treat me like this, then he must not love me. It is time to change your story from one of thinking you can control to just letting it soak or letting it go!
ROADBLOCK #7: CHANGING YOUR PARTNER. You can’t change how anyone feels about you or how they treat you. Of course there are certain behaviours you can have a grown-up discussion about that comes from a place of ‘no blame’. However, first take a good look inside to see if you’re annoyed because of bad behaviours from past relationships that you’re bringing into your current one. Change your story from one of a need to change someone to one of acceptance that you can only change yourself and open yourself up to all sorts of possibilities. Even if one door closes, it means another is open for better options.
Hilary Caters is the founder of Heartstring, a corporation committed to driving happiness and performance in work, life and love by bringing awareness to how we can change the stories we tell ourselves. To receive more articles or for more information on personal consultations, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org