I know what happens to me…I read all this wonderful stuff about working on myself and my love life that seems to make total sense. Then I have an argument with my partner, and everything I read goes right out the window and I totally forget what to do. I’m so angry, hurt or disappointed that it takes me over and I feel completely powerless. I am so caught up in my negative emotions, that I don’t always make healthy choices with my words and actions.
After the last post, The Next Best Thing to Reading Your Partner’s Mind, I received some questions about what exactly you need to do in that moment of loss of self control. Many were asking me what exactly to do when you feel like you want to scream and yell and just tell him off.
So, consider this a practical guide and part B to the last post. (The Next Best Thing to Reading your Partner’s Mind)
I thought long and hard about the times I am able find some relief and the exact inner process I go through. The steps I follow allow me to become fully aware of my emotions before they have a negative effect on my relationship or my own sense of well-being.
From that, I developed a cheat sheet that will guide you through a healthier inner process when negative emotions creep in. You will see how you can be in complete control instead of at the mercy of how your partner is making you feel.
Maybe you’re on the verge of a fight, maybe your partner did something that made you feel hurt, maybe you did something to make your partner angry. The cheat sheet will give you the practical steps you need to get you out of this place of suffering and feeling out of control. So that instead of reacting negatively and making things worse, you can diffuse the situation.
I’ve worked on this in my own relationship and tried many different tactics. The cheat sheet below has worked for me every single time, without fail. I’ve kept it close by my side in case I ever need to remind myself of what do do when talking to my partner and we’re on the verge of a fight or disagreement. I still have it folded up in my purse!
It took me some time, but it became easier and easier to remember how to get out of my head and gain some control in the moment. Eventually I didn’t need to look at the sheet but it was important for me to have something physically close to me so I knew I had a way out of the negative emotion. I literally had something to reach for that I knew would snap me out of feeling powerless and out of control.
Now, it is effortless, I don’t even need to check the sheet because I am immediately aware when I’m having a negative emotion and I can change it instantly. It’s amazing. I am able to look at the situation from a more compassion and understanding place. However, I would never have gotten there without the sheet.
Download it here. It’s only a few pages and you can fill in your own answers because everyone is different and I want you to make it your own.
The insights and concepts I’ve been sharing are a great foundation and important to know, but practicing is crucial if you want to see real change in yourself and your relationship. So, I thought it was time for a practical tool that you could print out and use. It’s powerful and can change your relationship.
Good luck and as always, I want to know what happened when you tried it. I want to know if you felt any better. I want to know if you can see any patterns being broken. I want to know how powerful this made you feel. I want to know if you’re seeing any shifts in your energy that are inspiring shifts in your partner’s energy.
I love when I hear from someone that they tried something that worked. It brings me so much joy.
I also want to hear about any pain or frustrations you are still having or if you’re having trouble with any of the insights I’m sharing with you. This is just as, if not more, important than the success stories. I’m here to help, so please let me know!